My goofy ass bought a coffee machine the other day. I was kinda in a rush and just grabbed it thinking that it was cute and not too expensive. I get home and take it out of the box and set it up and am so proud of my new Dolce Gusto Infinissima! Also I fucking LOVE those pods. So easy! So quick. I’m looking at this thing wondering how to set the length of time on it so that my cup doth not runneth over…eth. After far too long of a time reading the damn instructions that came with it, I still couldn’t figure it out. So I did what any Millennial would do, I googled it. Turns out you have to count certain seconds for certain coffees. You turn it on and it goes brrrrrrrrrr and fills your cup but it DOESNT STOP unless you press stop.

For most people, Id wager this not a big deal at all. But I zone out so easily, at any time, any place. So standing next to the coffee machine as it growls at me, counting the seconds, is rather inconvenient. Never mind my fucking impatience– which is the cause of my inability to find the answer in the manual. Funnily, said manual was basically just pictures and arrows. Coffee goes here, press this button, etc. So I guess ANYONE COULD HAVE FIGURED IT OUT. In my defence, there was a picture of a finger on the power button, then 30, then picture of power button again which doesn’t fucking explain that you just have to count the damn seconds because there are other steps between on and off.. I guess it was too simply put. You know, since I’m so goddamn complicated and all.

Just a moment ago, I went to make a cup of Starbucks coffee (love those damn pods). I stand there, put the pod in, press the “go” button at the top and low and fucking behold- I zone out completely. As I’m staring through my big ass window, standing next to a distant buzzing, I manage to force my gaze back to the coffee machine only to find that the contents have spilled out all over my counter. Goddammit.

If Im not mistaken, there were other versions of said coffee machine on the same shelf at the same store that I bought mine at. So instead of running up to it and grabbing it going tehe pretty! and looking at each one I probably would have found one that suited me best.

Seriously though, regardless of how goddamn annoyed I am- its with myself and not the machine. It makes fantastic coffee.